WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
