in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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