Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
