If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
