Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
