2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
