I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
