Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so let's talk penis.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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