no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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