I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
