i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
pray to the hookup gods
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize