Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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