Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
