ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
