Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
