T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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