If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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