Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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