pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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