I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
