Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
