I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
