Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
