I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
