Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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