I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
