maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
