chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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