Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
