She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize