Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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