he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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