youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize
