I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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