brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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