I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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