she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
