Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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