Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
