I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
