In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I think im going to throw up on grandma
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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