Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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