I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
