I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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