Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Randomize
