I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
