I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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