ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
