How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
