i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
