The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
