3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
