I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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