at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
