so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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