Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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