dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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