HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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