Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
