Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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