What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
