my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
