thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My vagina is very pro this idea
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
