there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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