if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
