I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
