the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
