I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
