she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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