if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
