How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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