If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i think my cat just said my name.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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